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QaR
October 2009 
Raising our Children with Religion, Guns and Alcohol
Posted on Jan 20th, 2008
by 
Earon
Earon
Okay, now this is a sensitive topic, and I'm sure you'll have an opinion. Should children and teenagers be raised to fit into a particular religious congregation or system? I've been told by many people that children are better off if they are exposed to the concepts of God and morality. And it makes a lot of sense to introduce kids to a particular tradition in which they might grow to seek knowledge and wisdom, providing a moral compass. It could also provide a way to seek solace when things go wrong in life. For most people, that's a no-brainer.
What about alcohol? Many people believe that we should introduce children to alcohol consumption in the home. It provides a safer environment in which to experiment, because they will be tempted into drinking at some point, anyway. Many people believe that alcohol should be kept in the home. This, makes some sense. And, it also provides a way to seek solace when things go wrong in life. Oops!
And guns? Children raised with guns are likely to be able to use them more safely, and probably more responsibly. They learn to respect the power of the weapon. Many people believe that guns belong in the home, kept safely and securely. And, they also provide a way to seek solace when things go wrong in life. Oops, again!
Maybe we should revisit the safety of religion in the home. I wonder whether religion does make sense. We do all need forms of belonging and social support, ways to relax and let go of the burdens we carry. Yet, if we are providing children with a moral compass, are we providing them with the cheap variety that comes packaged with a dozem party favors, or are we providing the best, most versatile compass? Are we testing out the compass, or just passing along the one we were given as a child, long ago, which may not have worked particularly well for us?
In a profound way, moral education belongs in the home. It is called ethics. And it derives from compassion, respect for the law, and common sense. Religion today, in the fundamentalist vein (To many of us, all fundamentalists sound pretty much the same, regardless of the religion.), often inculcates terrible disrespect for the law, our legal system and the opinions and sensibilities of other people. As such, it is not teaching ethics, but zealotry. I favor religion that promotes compassion and cooperation, and which respects the necessary separation of Church and State, with which many, many religious people in the US and around the world agree.
So, we come back to the question of whether it is safe to raise our children with religion, guns and alcohol. Each of us will have their own answer to these questions, depending upon our life experiences and backgrounds. My own answer was to avoid guns altogether (living in the suburbs rather than a rural area), limit alcohol to wine at a special dinner or celebration - and to employ religion sparingly and with great compassion for divergent beliefs, including atheism.
Respect for our fellow beings begins at home. Knowledge of human nature and our propensity towards fanaticism, violence and addiction must also be taught at home, with wisdom and guidance, and not left to either schools, a house of worship or to the street.
Parenting is not a science. There is no one "correct" way to do things, but there are wrong ways. Surprisingly, some people still talk about "spare the rod and spoil the child." Of course, this biblical expression was never meant to endorse child abuse. The "rod" is the staff of the shepherd, symbolizing the guiding of a flock with patience. There is no substitute for parents learning how to be teachers and guides for their children, as imperfect as we all are.
What do you think?
Peace,
Earon
What about alcohol? Many people believe that we should introduce children to alcohol consumption in the home. It provides a safer environment in which to experiment, because they will be tempted into drinking at some point, anyway. Many people believe that alcohol should be kept in the home. This, makes some sense. And, it also provides a way to seek solace when things go wrong in life. Oops!
And guns? Children raised with guns are likely to be able to use them more safely, and probably more responsibly. They learn to respect the power of the weapon. Many people believe that guns belong in the home, kept safely and securely. And, they also provide a way to seek solace when things go wrong in life. Oops, again!
Maybe we should revisit the safety of religion in the home. I wonder whether religion does make sense. We do all need forms of belonging and social support, ways to relax and let go of the burdens we carry. Yet, if we are providing children with a moral compass, are we providing them with the cheap variety that comes packaged with a dozem party favors, or are we providing the best, most versatile compass? Are we testing out the compass, or just passing along the one we were given as a child, long ago, which may not have worked particularly well for us?
In a profound way, moral education belongs in the home. It is called ethics. And it derives from compassion, respect for the law, and common sense. Religion today, in the fundamentalist vein (To many of us, all fundamentalists sound pretty much the same, regardless of the religion.), often inculcates terrible disrespect for the law, our legal system and the opinions and sensibilities of other people. As such, it is not teaching ethics, but zealotry. I favor religion that promotes compassion and cooperation, and which respects the necessary separation of Church and State, with which many, many religious people in the US and around the world agree.
So, we come back to the question of whether it is safe to raise our children with religion, guns and alcohol. Each of us will have their own answer to these questions, depending upon our life experiences and backgrounds. My own answer was to avoid guns altogether (living in the suburbs rather than a rural area), limit alcohol to wine at a special dinner or celebration - and to employ religion sparingly and with great compassion for divergent beliefs, including atheism.
Respect for our fellow beings begins at home. Knowledge of human nature and our propensity towards fanaticism, violence and addiction must also be taught at home, with wisdom and guidance, and not left to either schools, a house of worship or to the street.
Parenting is not a science. There is no one "correct" way to do things, but there are wrong ways. Surprisingly, some people still talk about "spare the rod and spoil the child." Of course, this biblical expression was never meant to endorse child abuse. The "rod" is the staff of the shepherd, symbolizing the guiding of a flock with patience. There is no substitute for parents learning how to be teachers and guides for their children, as imperfect as we all are.
What do you think?
Peace,
Earon
Access: Public
Earon, all I can say about guns and alcohol is that they aren’t in my frame of reference; because our families have kept away from them, and so have we.
I can say quite a lot about parenting, kids and religion, though! I”ll try to keep it short though. I love this blog; and you have raised very important points in it. I believe that the world is changing; the wider dissemination of ancient philosophies and religions has resulted in more people being open to another point of view. How many these are, I don’t know, though.
I see around me, some who feel they HAVE to raise their kids in a church or they can’t marry in a church later; others who stay fully away and I see the lack of a depth in their children’s life. Being raised HIndu/Theosophist, has caused our family to be as you have written: knowing about different religions, following some religio-cultural traditions, but not in a didactic way.
I don’t really like using those lables either.
A friend asked me:” If you are open-minded, will you mind if your children decide to convert to another religion when they get married?” I replied I would not stand in their way, but would feel sad if they leave freedom to go into a prison. Because if they are REQUIRED to adopt a religion as a condition of marriage, it seems that way to me.
Well, my kids are far from marriageable age, but this made me realize that what people are doing around us, is important. I do feel that it is important for children to know about the deeper aspects of life, and regularly be involved in some ritual, that we can make ourselves, or borrow from traditional religion, so that any need they have for a deeper connection, is met.
I hope that our children will grow in a world that is more open than closed. I hope that we are all together able to bring this about.
Thanks, Meenaksi, for stopping by! I'm with you on the parenting questions. I see spirituality as a smorgasbord that probably works best when we try all sorts of foods and not just stick with one. At times, we will favor one particular item, perhaps, but we'll always be aware that diversity is empowering for everyone - and that we're not just looking for one form of nourishment to eat (religiously) for the rest of our lives.
The old paradigm is narrow and exclusive. It doesn't work anymore. In the new paradigm, I think we acknowledge that we're all human and that humans feel safer and more comfortable (and we're better neighbors) when we interact respectfully (and not just superficially) with people from many backgrounds and beliefs.
My own kids are young adults now, and don't seem very attached to the faith they were raised in (eclectic Judaism), but the future is up to them. I've learned a lot from them. As for what my faith is, I wouldn't even know where to begin. Interspiritual Agnostic Deist may be a tag for it.
Namaste.
Earon